true love does not alter

Saturday, July 23, 2005 @Saturday, July 23, 2005

I am freezin cold..
knees all jelly
feels lk my hands, legs, brain all disconnected
I feel so cold but inside i feel burnin sensation
:(
Everything feels floaty
my throat hurts terribly my head's so heavy.

Times when i am gonna collapse
Only ur presence can bring me the smile.
How ur acts melt my heart
I keep dem so closely to me.

Life treats no one fair tis i noe
n would u try to get past hiding
u noe it would be for life
or would u stand up, n face it bravely?

For me,
I am finally standin up
No more hiding no more lettin people manipulate me
no more thinking for everyone's feelings n do wrong to mine.
No more afraid to accept wat would come
No more be pulled by d nose
No more tryin to walk in shoes dat don fit
I noe i am not forcing dem to support me
i only wish for their slight understanding
I used to afraid of so many things
I used to be afraid of wat would they gif me

But, no longer.
Dere's only so much dey can decide for me
n im not afraid of it.
I am taking on the first gif in
dey can choose wat deems.
The most, i have is one life.
Take it if should,
nothing makes u a loser more den if u live for others.
I wan to be myself.
One life,
i don want to gif sth up, n go on my whole life searching for,
only to laern the something i was lookin for wif my whole heart..
is the one i gave up.

In life, it applies.
U gif sth up to suit everyone else to mk all happy
U thought at dat point of tm, which can be so easily mistaken,
dat it wouldn matter n tat everyone including urself would be happy over time.
Time past
It dawned on the senseless one that
nothing quite resulted from the decision
In fact nobody actually cared, it was merely only u thought it would make a better tom.
Everyone goes on, happy
everyone execpt u.
A long tm later
u realise only u beared the consuquence
The loss.
U go on ur whole life wishing to turn back time so badly
U noe wat is truly the things that matter in ur life
U would gif up everything, including tat past short insignificant moment of relieve to choose wat would reli have made u truly happy
But not many can.

At times
i get crumped up lyin in my bed
or walkin under d stars
n i get overwhelmed by the surge of sadness
they eat me up my insides
as i think again n rem d things then, great or small
i wrench my heart to think of d cruel choice made
still i wonder why den u decided tis way
why u no longer thought
wat were u thinkin
i could never understand i could never believe i could never heal
how could u do tat
was it the way u wanted
did u not think of wat u put me thru
do u really know how i felt
did u not think of when u left
u took everythin' out of me...
..just don tink

I am glad to be taking the first step, for far too long i hav been living beneath a skin
Now for me, for my life.

My life has always been in d dumps,
But perhaps ure the gift that covers all.
Now i feel i have the best life nobody else have
Thank u for being there.
:)
Da mi.

? and i stand in the
wonder of your love