Saturday, July 31, 2004 @Saturday, July 31, 2004
I am a bad student.
Wat was supposed to be a stay-in weekend for purely work
Turned out to be an away from home weekend.
Such plans always fail.
Fail terribly.
Told myself fri would jus be a few hrs nite out jus to de-stress myself first.
But movie went into d wee hrs
N slpin at 5 am is a torture
For 7am was wake up tm for sch.
Sch was bloody dumb la.
Reli exhausted
N so sat was planned to be a stay-hm day
But ex colleague had to call on d dot
n with no "change of date" as an option,
i had to drag myself down.
Met celia for awhile
b4 mtg d fellow mates
It was quite some nite.
Except dat d beer n nuts kill.
And hy says i seem to be puttin on wt.
Honors given to all d drinkin n late nite supper man.
fuck, i want to CUT down man.
:/
D need to find focus in life again.
D need to get rid of the unfeeling feeling,
D simply drifting soul.
Dere was quite a solemn talk.
On life, on family, on friends..
Big things make small things smaller.
Dese tots have sunk in over tm
N hence d reason for d 6 nothingless mths dat has past.
D reason for y things dun bother me, simply pass me by
Friendship, held wif greater cherish.
Old friends dat words cant even amount d much i cherish,
even if i cant speak out verbally.
At many times tot of in my mind,
even if i am one bad at expressing.
Some i never wanted to be as it is now
But wif greater wish to so cherish it,
greater the fear of touchin it.
And den how do i express it.
Love..
Hmm nth to tok about as yet...
Family, gosh is tis a huge issue.
With updue respect, i base on 1 sentence "give and take"
But snappin comes wif overdue giving.
Anyways,
we ended up at hy's place.
Cozy tho it were simply mattresses.
Simplicity how i adore it.
5am in bed n 630 out of bed.
Accomapanied both for deir mtg.
Followed by mac brkfast(Diet plan not even workin la)
Followed by oily lunch
N so its back on a late sunday noon
Wif real swollen n black eyebags u wld scream if u see me.
Pimple outbreak focasted ahead.
Tons of undone work
tom shall set forth to d FARAWAY places
sigh.
///
Standing at the road of junction with clueless directions.
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
Wednesday, July 28, 2004 @Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Tis week is all about no classes
n yet goin bac sch every day
To do work.
Lac n lac...
den tue got slapped by d harsh reality by randy
"Vsc proj due nex fri!!!"
So its work,work n work
And an empty tombstone waiting ahead of me.
Its not jus work,
its a heap of travellin to do as well
Peace centre to print
Bras basah for paper
n everywhere to scout for materials
Where on earth do i find time for dat?
Guess im d sort who only can work at d very las min.
Jus lk today, i haven gotten an idea of how d point of purchase(d whole exhibition stand) should be, at d pt when i walked into class 4 consultation w sir.
But within d 5 mins dat i waited for d person b4 me to end his consulation,
i SWOPPED out a proposal n idea !
lol.
Dare devil.
Sheer exhaustion
Made me doze off in d bus to skip my precious bus stop.
bloody hell.
At d point of total concentration at work
when nth else exists, not even subconciously
Its a good feel.
Yday's fashion imagin was fun
Jus goin round sch scoutin for potential faces.
Gettin numbers from gers hav never been my thing
So it fell upon boon cheong's hands
I would so much prefer to tk d shoots.
lol.
And d resembrance(rite spellin?) is striking.
hmm.
Lookin' forward to sch term break.
:/
And god bless for for now.
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
Saturday, July 24, 2004 @Saturday, July 24, 2004
My head feels floaty.
My legs r wobbly no lie
Im not sure if its bcoz ive been CONCENTRATING in sch from 9 to 7
Or bcoz i had only 2 hrs of slp las nite.
Ah mans either way im dead tired.
Ydae catchin up time wif joel, jasmine, celia(i can hear her screaming into my ears already haha)
Pizza 4 dinner.
Den lips for...i dunno wat supper?
Dun we eat lk pigs? haha.
A gd laugh at our primary sch yrs me n joel
How noti we were den
We were reli big bullies man, n such menances dat could crack all d teacher's brains.
heh.
Celia n jasmine left.
jacyn came.
we hung ard twn ps bq
Njoyed d london cab home.
Reached hm ard 2 plus but i only fell alsp at 5
Woke up at 7 had to drag myself to sch.
Bloody lame apel.
But we sneaked out for a 2 hr brkfast heh.
Afta apel had studio shoots
N it lasted all d way till 7.
So tired my mind wasn workin not even a bit
Dwn to catch King arthur.
`
I know ive disappointed u. SO so tired wat am i doin here still i need to slp.
N vsc proj due in 2 weeks time
i haven even tot of anything
I am a fucked up student.
*I wanna break free n fly so free
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
Thursday, July 22, 2004 @Thursday, July 22, 2004
I have nth much to write actually..
But jus feel lk writing
N judgin from d way i write
I guess a long essay would come out in no tm anyways
haha.
Tis week..
Ive mentally been drained, almos lk a dead corpse.(ok,dat description wasn much necessary)
Been slpin at lk 4 for nites..
Ok, wldn wan to mk it sound lk i did SO much work
Coz i only get started at lk 11 for dats when d mood sets in 4 work.
But u cld say its pretty an amt of work done too.
Fuck, more to go.
Pls kill me.
Dun even wan to tink abt it
`
Every day i wished i were a day before.
Did i mention judy was admitted to d hospital 4 d 2nd tm..
Yes n everyones stressed out n exhausted physically as well
Shes ok, for now.
Hope shes fine.
Maybe i set judgements on people a tad too quick,
but i cant tear my wary down.
Deres no more room for believes anymore.
Or maybe it takes time.
///This time im saving myself.
And since those said were said elsewhere
Its lost its worth
And pardon me if i have doubts if it was ever meant true
Stars?
By punggol end.
Its been so so long...years.
Rite...ive done it see its a long entry already heh.
With each paragraph talkin bout a different thing..
Ok, Ta is rite.. she says ull not get wat im saying in my blog..haha
But dats good, dats wat its meant to be.
Since i do not write a diary anymore its where i can write wat i wan and to keep.
N its my 3rd degree of secrecy in terms of "diaries".
Dat is to say, d 3rd dat contains d most secrets.
1st is my organiser, 2nd my ... blog, n 3rd tis blog.
:)
Im tired....................
ciao.
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
Sunday, July 18, 2004 @Sunday, July 18, 2004
One thing
And off i went and cut my hair.
I travelled far i travelled it all.
Dinner n anxiety.
Smoke n confusions.
Headed back twn.
Met up shar n steph to pass sth.
And dey had a gd time bullyin me ha..
Heh a knife n a fork.
Ps and den bq bridge.
Oh zen bar too
It was nice.
Had supper.
And headed
unintentionally down some place.
It was a huge place.
The blasting noises almost blew my ears.
Never imagined such a setting such a scene would be seen in real life.
Drinks, smoke, lazers, triads and more dat i do not wish to say here
Suddenly i was sitting in another world.
Suddenly i felt as if i wasn there at all.
And when u thought zouk or centro was a complicating place..
where i was at
wat i saw with my eyes
Den, i realise
There is still much more to tis life dat ive not seen.
Left at 6am.
We got out alive and thats a good thing.
But im still a dead person inside.
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
Friday, July 16, 2004 @Friday, July 16, 2004
Afternoon call.
Dwn to d hospital.
Everyones anxious.
Everyone cant stop worrying.
Three in d afternoon to eight in d nite.
D long wait.
Sitting dere
Muz have been more den 5 dozens of patients wheeled past me.
At the shun instant
I saw, life could slip in just a second.
The next instant
Or perhaps u not even knowing it has come.
And dey scold
And dey knocked sense.
And beneath the cold skin
I did feel sorry for how i inflict stains on my health.
I alwiz had the bad hunch(feeling)
Of dat one day... i would...
Besides reflection upon myself,
alwiz at the cold still atmosphere in d hospital
at d moment
all hatred soften to nothing.
And i said a silent prayer
It came true
And she was well.
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
Wednesday, July 14, 2004 @Wednesday, July 14, 2004
D medicine is makin me so drowsy..
N i cant breathe.
My throat hurts.
N my chest's hurtin too frm all d coughing.
I hate flu.
Work load
one word- fuck.
Lunch w diane atiqah n rest
Lately been to ah keongs
Comfy grp but one thing bad..
i guess im becoming
weaker.
Whenever im sick i hav funny cravings.
Hence d takin of an extra bus jus to get ice-cream.
N hiding out of d hse b4 i finish it.
Wen hm onli to find granny comin hm in bout 5 mins afta me
Bloody close shave la haha
5 mins ltr n i wld hav been a slaughtered pig lk dose u get 4 ur chinese dinner.
(Ps:im still gettin my hands on dat nutella.)
In fact tis morn I was jus at it when my granny shouted fr d living rm "U betta not touch dat choc spread."
She gave me such shock i tot she was comin in
N i THREW d whole nutella tin into d huge biscuit tin n closed it.
Wo even closing d nutella tin lid
ha
Yes i threw d tin, n d lid both in.
Tis is for KEL buddy!
Of cos ive not forgotten u!!
Still waiting to chill out w u
Hear ur stories...n ur THUNDEROUS laughter!!!!!
haha i miss u buddy! :)
Las nite i had a dream.
And i saw people ive not seen...for quite some time.
The quarrel yday, i wanted to die.
Ok forget bout it.
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
Monday, July 12, 2004 @Monday, July 12, 2004
Didn go to sch today.
Ive fallen ill.
Besides my usual not-drinking-enuf to blame,
I guess been slpin at wee hrs of d morn is somewhat d cause.
Lunch shall be honey stars
Ok, besides d thick coated nutella bread dat granny forbided me to touch(but apparently i had my way haha)
Last nite caught Brotherhood in shaw towers
Almos got my butt lost ha
But if u see, im into wierd wierd places far away dese days.
War shows r good.
Dey show d ugliest side of man.
But do not let d mild admirable side of men slip u.
The way one sacrifices for his loved ones.
Quite bloody quite grusome.
Limbs get blown off lk nobodys biz.
D worse is still d injured soldier who puked
sayin his stomach felt pain
N when dey lifted up his shirt
Dere were lk hundreds of maggots feedin on his open up wounds.
Fuck sia.
U will see
How one soldier from d beginning of war days he holds back his strikes
To when he gave in pleads of his enemy n lets him off
Only to be bitten back by d very same one he showed his grace on
To the next enemies he comes to face with
He kills dem without a blink of d eye
N stabs n multiple shots to double check dat dey lay dead
Can u blame dem for wat brought dem to today?
Trust broken
U can only build a protection wall around u
N be more wary from den
Sometimes we are like dat.
U gave ur best to fight a war.
U received a medal fr d president 4 goin beyond ur call of duty.
But d nex min u see ur side killin ur loved one
Bcoz of a slight miscommunication
And yet anther taken to be captive n ltr "killed"
Would u go berserk?
Like d guy did.
Sometimes life's like dat.
D show lasted 3 hrs n ended at twelve
No last bus n hence had to tk cab, once again.
Boy am i so broke.
So much things to do..
sigh.
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
Saturday, July 10, 2004 @Saturday, July 10, 2004
Spiderman n mean gers done.
nex to catch is King Arthur(KEIRA KNIGHTLEY!!)
13 comin 30.
I guess brotherhood on monday nite?
Tis week
3 nites of drinking.
Ok tis is goin to kill me.
Nex week's gotta be more home-ins.
Friday nites on the bridge by the sg river
Clear one's mind a little
A bit of help dere
A bottle in one hand
A tilt down of d head
Eyes forward on the colorful reflections on d waters casted by d surrounding buildings
D hope to cast away all looks at wats behind
A long journey
I am exhausted.
Alot of eating dat day
i guess i had 4 meals afta my official dinner.
Reached hm at 6 plus am
I can say in dis week for d 7 days
ive onli had bout 12 hrs of slp
N god has given me my punishment dose ugly puffy eyebags
And fuck,
datelines r jus a stonethrow away.
Pls buck up.
START work.
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
Friday, July 09, 2004 @Friday, July 09, 2004
Been bumin whole day!
Should get my arse off soon
Finalli watchin spiderman2.
:)
D slow ones..hee
haha headin dwn cine
Gosh long tm since i hung ard dere
yday d rest were sayin ova supper dat dey cried durin d show'
Pls i hope ltr i won...how paiseh la...=)
But somebody's bringin tissue rite?
haha.
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
Thursday, July 08, 2004 @Thursday, July 08, 2004
It feels as tho i only go for lessons 3 days a week
ha!
Enjoyed myself last nite dwn zouk!
D femme quest show was good man.
I tink Dorothy looked SO good!
Jay couldn agree more wif me..rite jay? =)
D way her hair was styled n her huge dangling earrings made her looked reli ravishing!
D sia ger was not bad too..
love her dimples man! heh
jus dat her body poisture isnt reli gd.
d lady host was pretty too! :)
Dragqueens make good hosts.
Bloody hell funny.
Roti prata for supper.
A day not too gd but ended well.
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
Sunday, July 04, 2004 @Sunday, July 04, 2004
A run in the rain always makes me feel better.
Buffet dinner in some hotel in orchard
Eat until i wanna burst.
The sight of mum toring her card into pieces rite in front..
So much emotions inside
But silence buried all
Made myself tea
Ended up realisin i used too many tea leaves(since it comes in lk funny small packets so i didn noe wat exactly is d rite amt to add)
Only realised when granny came scoldin me silly at 2 am as she got up for her usual round to d toilet.
Wat do u get for sillyness.
Bloody hell big n awake eyes.
Terrible n i mean horrendous insomia.
Toss n turn
N when i crawled up to look at d tm
7am!
Yes..how bad can dat be..
when i hav to get up early for church SOON.
I got tons of work.
Ok..
But gotta leave hse soon head dwn gardens
hwee yin's bdae celebration.
`No idea where i should start from to find the lost.
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
Thursday, July 01, 2004 @Thursday, July 01, 2004
Thurs fri no sch
But today ended up in sch still.
I spent 1 quart n half of my pay today
Total up to bout 200 ova
Aint i bad
N tell me wat does tis seem to suggest?
Stress or?
1.45
An hour more to go b4 euro..
I feel like going out to shoot
where i dunno
but soon.
"...when her mother didn' want her..."
A boundary i wouldn want to step
I wish to noe nothing.
N tell me is dis enuff?
Someday u got to make it clear
D rope will snap.
Get well soon.
xiu xiu xiu
? and i stand in the
wonder of your love
