true love does not alter

Monday, August 30, 2004 @Monday, August 30, 2004

I didn slp whole of las nite
i couldn slp.
I am not going sch today
I am not gettin a mc either.

Beyond that door
I hear all the words clear

Thanks for the no understanding given
Thanks for adding on to the pressure inside of me
dat is already suffocating me up to tis throat of mine.

And therefore, forgif me for the thoughts dat formed in my mind.
All thats bottling me makes me a destroyer, a murderer.

U see me all smiles
U see me going out
U see me when im not doin
But i failed to make u see that i, too, need a break.

I do not like to do things in front so that pple can see me doing and think good
But do not misunderstand the other side of me and rob me of my hard efforts.

She will be sponsered.
Bcoz she will make her the perfect one
Theres no worries theres no doubt
All dat she does not do for me
will be done for her.
Or should i say everything would be kept for her.

All of these
My whole life fate has been changed
Bcoz of one fact

I do not have a mother.

? and i stand in the
wonder of your love

Friday, August 20, 2004 @Friday, August 20, 2004

Last nite of no sleep.
N mayb bcoz earlier in d day walked under d sun too much
From bedok to bugis to bencoolen taking pics
Feel so bad.
So sickly when i left d chalet tis morn
Tot i was goin to puke on d station
But luckily i made it to d mall's toliet
But still dere were pple looking..
Wats more i puked till dere were tears rolling dwn my eyes
N i didn realise till d woman looked at me, hard.
ah shits.
Tot dat wld be all.
Took d bus and got down at a bus stop to change bus
Waited sooo long
N guess wat , when d bus finalli came...
i had to turn around n go to d huge open canal..
N i was pukin lk fuck!
Wat a place to puke yes i noe, but dere weren other alternatives!
Urgh...u can imagine how many eyes were shot rite at me.
Busted.

I gave d studio shootin a miss.
I am feelin so terrible.
Puked d third tm at hm.
Luckily granny is little hard of hearing...else im gonna get a huge lashing. hehs.

But d chalet was nice,
not many pple, jus a comfortable number.
It was nice to jus sit around and catching up.

*A tint of red

? and i stand in the
wonder of your love

Sunday, August 15, 2004 @Sunday, August 15, 2004

*mirrored

ah wells.
sore?

When i leave into my own world,
Dun cross into mine.

Its 12.30.
hmm..
I didn go down meet dem for drinks.
But dere dax is riding her bike down my area.
So here i am gonna meet her n hy in half n hrs tm.
Dats d prob wif pple who hav their own transport..
dey can go anywhere anytime.
Oh wells..
anyway i cant get to sleep.
Shall go meet dem.
ha.
While d whole world is sleeping.

? and i stand in the
wonder of your love

Friday, August 13, 2004 @Friday, August 13, 2004

Wed

I knew it
dat the photo studio shoots would surely drag on till evening.
N tho i tot i needed to cheong home to complete my work for d nex day vsc proj exhibition,
i enjoyed myself! hehs.

In sch at 9am to do up d backdrop
a god damn big piece of white cloth
Many many cans of sprays
It was quite going nowhere at first
Coz we were merely holdin d cans n going crazy wif dem
But at d end of it our product was good!
Haha the words did pop out!
Graffiti isn't as simple as it seems..

Done wif it,
it was set up studio time.
Ok i hate dat part la...hehs
Den d model came in
Good for us dat she brought another friend, coz one other model didn make it.
They were very friendly,funny
Very pretty! geez :D
I have a thing for malays haha.

Make up artist came to doll up the models
We got her from nafa
Her make-up box is marvellous i tell ya
All kinds of tools haha

I tink d shots were great!
Most importantly everyone enjoyed themselves in the process.
Thats wat makes the photos tick. U gotta enjoy shooting dem.

Ended lk 7 plus ok we were damn tired..
But of coz we had our share of fun b4 packin up.
The models had some kinky shots wOooo... :p
N we finished off w a grp pic.

Bac hm its a sleepless nite, to finish my proj.
Life n death.

Thurs

Bac sch 2 put up exhibition
Settin up alone took 3 hrs.
Gosh.

One big relief afta dat. :)

PLAYTIME.
Wen dwn katib meet dem den we waited for the guniang haha
I was feelin giddy n wanted to puke dats even b4 i reach n b4 i drink.
Tink im falling sick..
Dwn zouk for herstory party.
I had a great nite! :)
At least dere weren' sarcasm
I hate it, so much.

Ended with a teq pop treat. hehs.
Full wif all d beer man.
But still headed dwn geylang for supper.
Nono, brkfast? it was ard 5 am den haha

Fri

Johore trip cancelled
Bloody hell last min had talk in sch to attend.
9 am!!!!!

On my way to sch i was feelin so sick
I had such a bad headache i couldn stand uprite, was crouching.
N Its lk my vomit is stuck in my throat, n would come out anytime.
yew.
Autumn suggested "suan mei " drink but didn hav
Pam suggested fresh orange juice
N suprisingly it helped, i felt slightly betta!
N den wat...i reached sch but d thing only started at lk 10 plus.
fuck.
Dey said it was compulsory but more den half d vsc people came.
URGH.
So pissed.
I only had 1 n half hr of slp.

Growls.

? and i stand in the
wonder of your love

Monday, August 09, 2004 @Monday, August 09, 2004

Tis yr National Day ive been the most guai child.

Its stayin at home, doin work.
Ok, at least attempting to.
Late nite 4 d day b4 coz i stayed up to catch one show after another..
City of angels, The truman show..n i dunno wat early mornin show crap.

I figured out deres no choice,
D work i muz get done b4 d exhibition on thurs..
Its mountain loads.
Fuck sia
Dun i feel cheated
Tis week, supposed to be our term brk.
But,
Mon, tue already EATEN UP by nat' day.
Wed gotta go back for photo studio shooting proj.
Thurs is d Vsc proj2 exhitbition.
But, well since d end of d week would be a reli all out weekend,
i decided mon n tue would be locked-in working days for tis slacker.
N it wasn for d whole day anyways..

Went for a hearty dinner at d esplanade mall,
Dessert ltrs 3 scoops of hagen daz ice cream(No wonder d wt gained)
N afterwhich we went to watch a play at d esplanade theatre.
I dunno why, but i like the feel of watching plays.
I like it.
hurs.
Caught revenge of d dim sum dollies.
It was not bad, jus little RA. not a bad thing tho..hurhurs
But altho we were 3 rows from d stage, i find it not too feasible as we were practically underneath the skirts of d show pple.
My neck was pretty achey(wat a word)

Yday i had things to say
But yday has past
Today is another day
I dun feel like saying already.

Tom another day to keep myself within dese four walls.
But its also a gd thing, sch hols..imagine d crowd.
Now I wish to avoid crowd.
When i can la.
Its more of d town, n other areas thing.
Cant possibly apply dat to clubbin..

BUSY weekend i can see.
:)
Thursday afta d HORRENDOUS exhibition,
its zoomin bac home n zoomin off to zouk.
Fri is trip to johore.
I sense more sleepless nites to bear...
Ah mans.
But it does gif me sth to look forward to ya.

*Get me going....

? and i stand in the
wonder of your love

Tuesday, August 03, 2004 @Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Tom not goin sch again fri too.
So tis week only wen sch once.
Ha how good more can dis be.
Ive learnt to count my blessings each day
It can be too late.

"Less one friend wouldn make a difference
As u have so many friends around u.."
Do not say dat..
It isn't how i feel.
And u do not noe how much dat difference means to me.

A reli cherished person
A reli long tm friend i hold so close to my heart,
And shes so much more.
I always thought dere would never be a goodbye for us.
For who would expect years to be forgotten.
It is quite hard to believe even till now.
And in me deres so much of hurt and disappointment.
But all of dese is not our wish,
its not even in our control.
I cant selfishly want things to be wat i want
Dats y i won ask from her,
i won even let her noe.
All of the mixed feelings dat crash in
D hate dat is encored by love, care for tis special friend.
And all of the moments tog dey crash n flashback to me,
and i see dem vividly wif my tears filled eyes
as if every moment was only yday dat it happened.
4 yrs doesn't make a bond dat will break so easily,
at least to me.
But within all the shatterness in my hrt,
I am happy
To see the way u are now
The dedicated you now
The reason lacking den dat i never told u wat i wanted to say.
Its always said, "I wished i could go back to d past."
But now for me, my wish is for the future.
I do not noe if in years down the road
will dere come a day when u will return
d day when we will be sitting dere tog
tellin each other how life's been n luffing over all d funny things
Like how we always used to do.
But i believe the 4 years dat we've seen through,
The friendship, the special bond between us have made it dat
somehow we'll noe inside even if nothing has been spoken.
I dunno if my waiting will ever be futile,
But it doesn matter how long it'll be when the day will come
The day when i receive a call or msg from u
I will smile
For den ill noe our bond have won the battle,
Against time, against wat we didn dare to believe
And den we will noe everything.

*As for tonite
let me cry
For every moment of the 4 years...

For the things i wanted to say but never did
For never telling u how much i actually cherish u inside
Tis is for u,
My dear friend.

? and i stand in the
wonder of your love

@Tuesday, August 03, 2004

So its a day buried in work.

2 days ago as i was sitting n dreaming away,
Miss jayne came up n said "Why r u frowning?"
I didn even realise it.

Today as i walk out of my gate,
d security guard said to me "Do u think alot?"
I asked "why?"
He replied, "Ur face tells so."
So the heavy mind dese days hav found its mark on my face?

It reminds me of buddy's monk friend who also "saw" correctly dat ive been thinking alot
N asked me not to think so much or ill go crazy.
Mayb dats d way....dat ill go crazy someday?
hur.

Tis is even crazy..
I lost my wallet 3 times 2day. ill say almost.
While in 72 to sch, i swopped frm a behind seat to a more front one coz i was feelin sick from d journey
10 mins ltr i felt someone tappin on my shoulder.
D guy asked if dat was my wallet
Indeed it was.
I tot of how bad it was gonna be if i had lost my wallet.

On my way hm from sch
In 69 to tamp interchange
Alighted n was gonna board 72 when i cldn find my wallet
After standin dere stoned to d ground for a while
I walked to d customer svc area n to my delight
i saw an uncle wif my wallet he was gonna report it lost
I was so relieved i tell ya.

Den i boarded 72
Dozed off.
Suddenly woke up,
somehow i felt wierd so i checked my wallet.
It wasn in my bag..
i checked d floor it wasn dere either.
Luckily reli luckily, i shifted to another seat to check
N dere it was on my seat i had dropped it
Can u imagine if i gave up searching i would hav left d bus wo lookin bac at my seat n lost it

I somehow tot it was wierd to hav happened 3 times a day.
But i reli count my luckiness
For i could foresee my dad angrily shooting me wif "Tell me, wheres ur mind?"
A qn i never could ans bcoz it held truths indeed
My mind's not dere.

For photography class
we pinned up all our street casting potential models
N tell me how bizarre can it get, when i caught 4 faces dat i knew of from d other grp's collection.

Den it was a video of a photographer.
N so it was an hr plus of watchin nude women on screen

D only good news today was dat vsc proj dateline postphoned nex week
Tell me should i luff or shld i cry
Dat means gotta go bac sch on our hol.
but its a gd thing as i realised today it couldn possibly hav been completed by fri.
I had misjudged d work time required.
Not even done my proposal, development sketchbook, n POP.
In fact ive not even purchased my materials nor print for my POP.
tell me how to die.
But printin d cd booklet covers n stickers alone cost me lk 40 ova bucks yday.
Sigh.

I guess i won go sch tom..

///Tell me how one can be not pessimistic
In a world like this

? and i stand in the
wonder of your love

Monday, August 02, 2004 @Monday, August 02, 2004

I am one to die.
After d 5 hrs of slp in 2 days..
Sunday nite i wen out of d hse, again.

Ktv wif d ex colleagues.

Den Landy Dax n me wen to kopitiam
Talks dat we made a pact to talk at d table n leave it dere when we leave.
N sorrows were poured out.

Left at 6 am
6 mind u.
shoot me.

More drinks more nuts
more years ive lost.

Muddled with sides
Makes me wonder if in d midst deres manipulations.
But would rather keep away.

Man should be born with 3 noses, no eyes.
Bcoz some sights kill.

Today i see black.

Skipped sch
Down all d places to get my materials,
a task should hav long been done.

It was war
I dun even noe whose fault
But i felt lk bursting.
I even wished i would.
Dats why deres no wish to stay hm one more sec.

Bad things come in mutiples..
And i struggled to think, was it real.
The words said dat i could never understand why.
And today i give up the two titles, names dat we had.

*Once again the memories came crashin back to me
sunk my heart once more

Its beyond control although i wished i could
i wished i never had to think of it never had to rem the pain again

To feel cold to be total lost
When nothing in tis world can comfort me
When nothing can make me feel any better

Why must misses find me
when i see u r total opposite
U are so happy
I see things and it kills
Why must i be the one dying in these memories that are long gone n lost

Why did u have to go then
and left me with all these pain
I hardly could go on..

But i am exhausted i am weary
I shouldnt live in the misery of u anymore
Shouldnt miss the you who broke every piece of me
I shouldnt be drownin my self in drinks in toxication anymore

U are never there
and will never be there

Goodbye to
The 4 yrs dat was shared
The frienship dat was drowned by unspeakable amounts of disappointment
The more dat was never expressed, could never express with words.
The bond dat was given d promise nothing could ever break it
The every memory dat have always been treasured

One of d worst days.

Fuck u, world.

? and i stand in the
wonder of your love