Thursday, September 02, 2004 @Thursday, September 02, 2004
Judy bought me tis box of mnm choc
Dat comes wif a little teddy of a date.
Altho it costs merely a dollar, n d bear is a litt off for me,
I still appreciate d tot, dat she wen thru d trouble of standin dere to search for my birth date,fighting wif all d aunties ha!
I am touched.
See how easily contented i am! haha
For a day dat i didn go sch
I wasted my day.
All d work dat i told myself to do
i guess i only did 1/4 of it.
:(
Kill me.
N bcoz i took an half an hr nap,
I was wide awake at nite, cldn slp at all.
Lying on our beds, we started talking bout funerals n deaths.
ok, i noe, wat a mth to speak of dese topics ha.
Toked bout how wierd it felt to go to d funeral of someone u used noe, used to be with.
N i wld neva forget wat my grandma said when she walked to d front of my aunt's pic.
It was neva justified, for she commited suicide.
We even had to tell her dat she slipped and fell, had to hide d fact coz dey feared dat she cldn tk d blow.
But somehow, i feel that she noes.
I feel dat the most heartbroken one is my grandma.
Heaven haven' been fair to her.
Losing one daughter to accident, and two to suicides...
her heart muz have been shattered again n again.
Dats life.
I am one numb person.
Some parts where u wld expect me to feel, i cant.
But at d least expected, i feel.
But dere is two person, if one day comes d funeral, i would cry till i drop.
Reli.
N as much as i noe its out of reach,
I hope dat d day i never have to see.
Or perhaps den, d instinct i always have dat i will die early is a gd thing den if it comes true.
heh.
Nex we talked abt mum's death.
N den came d mystery dat cld nv be solved.
Because everyone refrains from tellin d truth, in front of both of us.
Is it our rights, or r dey rite in preventing us to be upset with wat might be.
But i never wanted to know anyways.
I say, she is already dead, let it pass.
I confessed to judy and i felt an ache in my heart,
D images are so faint
I cant rem her pressence
Her face in my mind, are made up of but wat i see from pictures.
N i dun wan dat to fade away..
Not even d small little details
Like how much she loved white.
How she would call us "Two little girls" when she comes hm every nite n open the door.
N when judy tells me d conversation btw dem jus d nite b4 she jumped.
Ok, tis is gettin out of place.
Im sorry hehs.
Tonite i shall go breathe air. :D
Im kinda excited..ha
Intense feelings
Have u eva felt it
Unable to feel it when it was dere
Den it came on
U feel it like it breathes in every vein dat runs in u
And when the only thing u wanted to do is to run to the arms
But u could only run away.
